The Ties You Can't See

Have you ever thought about that invisible thing you have between yourself and others that you're close to? One of my favorite horsemen, Tom Dorrance, talks a lot about understanding and respecting the three most important things to your horse, self preservation, spirit, and that intangible thing Tom can never find words to describe.

I've had a few people watch videos or see me running my dog in agility. They ask good questions but usually the first is, "Why does she do that with you, loose?"

Training, for sure, has it's part in it. A history of partnership that hasn't violated the delicate trust between us and instead found ways to make it stronger is another piece. Then there is also this thing that binds us together as partners where we choose each other. I'm a "why?" kind of person and I have spent an awful lot of time thinking on the concrete reasons and behavior patterns that the ultimate choice to be with us is made by our animals when we strip away all of the control that we started with. Maybe it boils down to the thing.

Whisper likes to walk off a bit before I catch her at night. Milling in with all of the other horses she sometimes enjoys the game of taking me for a walk where she hopes the fresh air will help me be as happy as she is. She eventually stops the game, turns to look at me, and stands perfectly still while I walk up to halter her. She could run, she is much faster than I am. She could even lash out kicking or striking to make me give her personal space. Why doesn't she? Why does my horse choose to stand for me to catch, knowing I'm going to groom and tack her up to work?

There is no consequence for her if she refuses. There is no bribe or offering if she accepts. It just is and she does. It's easy to take for granted in people and in assorted species of animals, that choice to share time and space with us for the same primitive reason we choose them.

It's that thing. Tom's sense of frustration is clear as he writes about trying to help people see the thing and even to define it. Those that do see it only get a small part of what they could have and he hopes that someday it won't be enough to carry them through so they'll look for more. Those that don't get it are in for a short road with that horse where it never will work between them ultimately. He then goes on to ponder if he himself has only tapped into a small part and wonders what could be if all of it was discovered. What comes from the inside of him straight through to the inside of the horse where all things in the relationship come from.

Respect the horse's spirit, honor his sense of self preservation, and don't lose that thing.