I wanted to be a jockey. No question. Nothing in the world sounded better than that to me and I was sure (as the 5 years and running shortest member of my entire class) I could fit the physical standard, only needing training and time.
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It wasn't the most obvious dream, I'd never even ridden a horse other than being thrown into a saddleseat saddle on one of the neighbor's Morgans for a lap around a round pen.
I came home with the project and my Mom said, "that's great, but what are you really going to be? You can't really be a jockey... maybe a teacher?" It's understandable that a recently widowed mother of two would want to be sure her daughter, who stayed up nights reading The Black Stallion series, had skills that would pay bills in the real world.
It hadn't occurred to me that I couldn't do it so I tucked it away, agreed with my Mom, and started spending a lot more time along the neighbor fence line talking to horses until I was old enough to work at a barn in exchange for riding lessons.
Many shows, rides, and years later I had a big fall and broke my back. In recovery from that, teenager stuff began to really get in the way. By 19 I was married to my high school boyfriend and all dreams were snuffed out. Life was "you can't, we can't, I won't"
Without getting too personal, a lot changed 10 years later with my divorce and then marriage to Chris. Way more than just adding triplets to my family. Looking back a sort of monumental moment was when Chris walked in the door with a brochure from a hippotherapy center, where he had been on a call for work, saying he had a place for me to ride horses if I wanted to. A tiny little window opened back up on a life I'd let die. I literally climbed off the table I was standing on (settle down, I was painting the bathroom while the babies were napping - sitting still is not my strong suit) and let it all begin again.
Next came the call for Promise, my adoption of her and her foaling Pirate. Then Whisper came off track and for a split second on her back for the first time, I realized that I was sitting on a racehorse. Not a jockey, but still I was sitting where only they had. I had delusions of grandness.
Whisper knocked me on my butt and all of the delusions right out of me. I almost sent her back. I was completely unprepared for what she came with and who she was. I learned. In the process I fell in love with everything OTTB. I rode a few other off-tracks, got to know them, and understood a connection that they offer that I'd never known before.
A few times I stopped everything and checked in with the family. I'm running with a dream here, but are the kids okay? Is everyone getting enough of me? I'm I juggling okay? Is my time taken from them losing more than I'm gaining? Nope. They were thriving. Adding Ben only made it better for them and included them more.
I poured over OTTB ads. Scanned through the pleas for adoptions, the "Free to good home"s, the "Please take this horse before trainer sends away" (aka slaughter). I wanted to help them all but realistically, horses live a LONG time and are not easy or cheap to keep. Any addition of horses meant needing to be prepared for decades. I didn't want to make a commitment like that beyond our own 2 horses. But I did want to help.
Chris and I had a long talk about where we wanted to go with all of this and made a choice for what our little Seven Hearts Stable would be. We will be opening our doors late autumn as an OTTB foster location. Taking one to start, then seeing how it works. Helping a horse who is coming off the track to transition to a riding horse that is ready to be adopted out to an excellent new home, so we can take-in and help another.
I'm a 33 year-old mother of 5 who is very in touch with my own mortality (an excellent bonus that comes from being a parent..yes, that's sarcasm). So will I ever be a jockey? No. I will be the very next best thing, maybe even better thing, in the whole world to me. Someone who helps save racehorses. An after-jockey. Yep, I just created a word.
Seven Hearts Stable is working hard to get ready for it's first OTTB foster. I can't believe my life right now and if any of you out there are "stuck" I urge you to take a look around, especially at the things you've convinced yourself you don't want anymore because in truth you believe you can't and it will hurt to be disappointed again. I can tell you change does hurt a lot and has it's terrible dark moments. Screw the hurt. Push for the dream.
Real courage is knowing your licked before you begin, but you begin anyway. - Harper Lee
1 comment:
Very cool to be able to open up and foster. It's a huge gift to them and they will most certainly give back to you and the family.
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