Year of the Horse Begins

Ringing in the New Year, social networking sites are packed with statuses giving a snippet of the friend's 2013 impressions, their photos, or their most used words over the year.

As far as my horse life goes, January '13 started much like this year has, full of mud. Weather and mud made riding conditions to start my just-arrived Bandon awful. By the end of the month, Whisper almost completely severed her deep flexor tendon (requiring surgery in my driveway while my husband was out of town and I was on my own with all the kids in late January) beginning months of stall rest for my explosive mare and a "management" style life for the horses around her needs. The shrill calls she made from her stall around the clock became background noise in our house until Spring.

By late Spring the weather improved for riding and Bandon began to demonstrate his strong mind. So much so that I hauled him to a schooling show in early June in my new-to-me trailer. After battling lost shoes, trailer hunting, and the late nights to practice, I was excessively devastated when it went terrible - barely being able to even tack him up - and I felt like we had lost tremendous training ground.

Back home, our struggle with poor feet continued and my large dreams for him started to lose their loft as he was off and on lame.

At that same time, Czech arrived. It's funny how Czech came about, I was actually talking to his breeder about a racehorse prospect I had been offered to fill my extra stall when she reminded me that Czech/Toad had come back to her and asked if I would like to meet him. I had completely forgotten that she had him back and I didn't know if I was what she was looking for for him or if he was an addition we needed at that time.

Our meeting was nice, no big glorious moment where golden beams radiated off of Czech as I was struck with love and adoration as he was with me. Just a nice OTTB that was easy on the eyes. I was torn if I should try him or not, I knew Iva was like me and if I took this horse I owed her to give him not just great care, but my heart too. After my recent dream deflations of showing Bandon and Whisper's injuries, I wasn't sure I could invest all of the work and heart in an additional horse right away.

I brought the big guy home to try him and before I could get to know him, Whisper died. My horse. My insane horse that I loved with everything I had no matter what she did, like any good dysfunctional relationship, was gone.

Grief was all consuming.

I went through the motions taking care of the boys awhile.

In those motions, over time, a normal herd started to develop. Without an unpredictable boss mare, everyone sort of stabilized and found peace. I watched the boys playing gelding games in the pasture out of my kitchen window, something they never dared do before. By August I had healed enough to let my guard down again, to invest in them emotionally, and we started work.

Things did not fall Disney-movie-like into place for Czech and I. He bucked and stumbled under saddle until we found balance and then he began to bolt. With the kids all in school for the first time, we trained every day. I also found a strong trainer far away who e-coached and encouraged through the hardest days. I hauled Czech out to long trail rides. We hacked the pasture. The ring. The jumps. We started to find trust between us and a relationship that is now so strong, I can't imagine it being built any other way than the way it happened.

Meanwhile, Bandon's feet grew and became stronger. Our short rides stretched longer, with no pressure to achieve anything it was a random day when I noticed that I wasn't putting jump bars back up after our rides anymore. He was using himself to learn his new job and thriving on praise like no horse I'd had before.

By Fall, both boys came out with me to show. Czech winning flat classes, Bandon taking baby steps in jumping classes, bringing me some shiny new ribbons to hang to go with my memories made.

2013 can't be summed up for me. I fought a devastating injury for months only to lose my girl and I have this knot in my stomach just typing it out now. Meanwhile there was progress made as a horsewoman, progress my horses have made with me, and the obvious achievements we found this Fall with my boys that I wouldn't trade for gold.

I hope my most used word for 2013 was "grateful".

Alright 2014, Year Of The Horse, let's see what you've got.

Perspective In Time

I've never been a believer of the idea that your life is scripted. As an 8 year old sitting in church listening to the pastor go in detail on how God mapped out my little life before it began, I just couldn't buy it. Another common saying that I don't buy is the "doesn't give you more than you can handle". Too many horrible things have happened in my lifetime for me to ever believe that God would deliberately hand me them simply because I was strong. I wasn't.

Most things people say to others when grieving, don't hold a lot of water for me.

I saw this picture and I fell to pieces.

These three horses are all gone now and this picture was taken just in November.

Where did it go wrong?

Perspective came as my heart opened up to the stories that kept coming across my screen, at first I ignored them, then I started to let them sink in. I haven't asked individual permission to share these stories so I'll be vague as possible save for the experiences I know are public.

There is a Thoroughbred Makeover Challenge this summer, modeled after the Extreme Mustang Makeovers, where pre-selected trainers (26) chose an OTTB with few, if any, rides off the track, to train and expo in October.

I'm sorry that I can't find the exact number at this moment but I believe somewhere in the range of 4 or 5 of these horses that were carefully screened and selected by the trainers, have already been returned due to soundness complications after starting with their trainers. One horse died shortly after arriving at his new trainer's, a believed heart condition that was undetected.

Not due to any neglect or any mean natured intent, just because it's what happens with horses, 20% of these thoroughly pre-screened OTTB's could not continue training to be a normal mount.

A friend's favorite mare balked at a trailer load. The friend asked again and the mare reared, falling, and breaking her neck.

A rescue case needed a stallion gelded and funds were there to help. Last week, after a smooth procedure, the horse struggled to get up and broke his leg needing immediate euthanasia.

A friend paid thousands on a surgery to save a beloved horse's life who was colicing only to lose him months later.

While it's kind of twisted that all these stories bring me comfort, it at least reminds me that it happens all the time and everywhere. Famous trainers and backyard horses who are doted on.

Then there is a good friend's horse who is now in his mid-thirties. Plugging along and still happy to trot out every night with the other horses leaving the barn.

Whisper brought me where I am (with a little help from my husband) to a dream I gave up on a long long time ago. The after-jockey dream is still there and still waiting to be realized and I think I owe it to her to do it now more than ever.

There was a horse, not just a horse (which would be enough for me) he was even more than that. A Grade 1 race winning horse. Last week and 5 years to the day of winning that great race (and a total of nearly half a million dollars in his life) he died. Not due to a tragic accident. Nope. He was put down on the track entered in a $4000 claiming race.

The tragedy of Monzante's death happening on the heels of Whisper struck a deep nerve. This horse traded hands more times than I can count. He ran his best for his owners and trainers until he had no more and they passed him on. Lower and lower down until he was at a bottom of the rung track and his trainer made the choice on the track as he faltered during the race, to put him down, though the vet stated the horse was salvageable.

Monzante didn't have the dignity of being salvaged. The freedom of a pasture. The chance to have a little girl fall in love with him. A life away from the work he gave his whole life in servitude.

I will do something more to help these horses, I'm not sure what just yet and I would be satisfied if my endeavors saved just a handful of horses in my lifetime, I just wish she could be here with me to see it all.

I believe in my heart that God experiences the world through us. This is my life and he experiences my world through me. That helps me remember that he loved Whisper too and that she is safe, though it doesn't stop the tears from coming every time I say her name.

Whisper of Light

I've been back up at the house for a few hours now. The kids are all taken care of and spending some time watching cartoons while I try and begin to handle what has happened here this morning.  My eyes are at that cried out point of actual pain where nothing else is left but that burning sensation. Czech & Bandon took turns holding me up, it feels lonely to be at the house without them.

The horse who sparked a deep love in me for Off Track Thoroughbreds, the start of a dream and my best friend, died early this morning of a likely aortic aneurysm. It could be debated that the extended stall rests then her explosiveness at turn-out, contributed.

Whisper wasn't the kind of horse that you would call a good horse, but she was mine and I loved her for everything she was. She and I were both flawed and we didn't mind. I don't know how to walk up to the barn and not see her there tonight. She and I had an unspoken world that was just ours and now it's over. I'm in total shock. I can't believe such a powerful light is gone.

Barn Work Does Not = Ground Work

It's been an uneventful Christmas/New Years around Seven Hearts as we dealt with weeks alternating days of all-day rain then a sky full of clouds keeping everything a mess. Above freezing days the sop tried to suck off my boots. Days when it was colder, the rivets the horses' hooves had created were solid with ice making a walk to the barn similar to a walk on a stone field with jagged rocks at all angles.

Needless to say, no horses have been worked. As lucky as I know I am to have these horses, it is cruel to finally have Chris home from work with the kids extra days and NOT be able to ride. Cabin. Fever. Sucks. Today is the first day the sun has returned...

I felt like I had to do something with them yesterday since it was Whisper's 11th birthday. Grooming under artificial light in my dry barn is all I could do and she wasn't thrilled with that plan. She's also looking at everything for a reason to spook sending the other 2 into snorting fits as well, yes even my calm headed Spotlight. It's kind of ridiculous that a bird chirp can send Whisper from standing into a dead run (even if you are attached to the leadline attached to her face) and yet she lives with this flock on a daily basis.

Bandon hasn't benefited from the limited handling either, he's being more difficult than usual when it came time for me to start work at his poll. His bridle path has gotten to a length of about 3 inches and we've been working nightly on him letting me touch. As I started to do anything more than that, he fought hard. We ended on a good note, with nothing but a tiny chunk of hair cleaned up. I asked his former assistant trainer how they did it while he was at the track and she relayed that he was usually trimmed up while he was sedated for something else.

This is definitely going to be a work in progress.

Birthday Girl

The most sincere appreciation of seat heaters in a vehicle happen shortly after riding in wind gusts at temps in the 20's when your rear needs thawing. I hate being grown-up, I remember being a kid and having frost bitten toes riding through anything without a care. At least it was another ride with success coming easily making it completely worth it yesterday. We did canter a few laps extra after I began asking for a trot, but the wind was blowing every leaf in the county through the arena and jacking her up a little more than usual. Is this "normal" horseback riding a lasting trend for us?!

Today in lieu of riding, Whisper will have brushing, warm blankets, warm mash, and some homemade oatmeal butterscotch cookies... it's her birthday!

Whisper's enjoying her cookie while her buddy, Rena, cleans up any pieces she misses

While all racehorses gain a year each January 1st, Whisper's actual birthday is very close to that, January 3rd. Obviously this is an advantage than say a racehorse born in July who is actually 5 months old when the racing industry considers him a one-year-old and breeders plan breedings with this in mind. But I digress... The kids had a great time making Whisper a stall sign complete with birthday cards of well wishes. My favorite is Hunter's card where he drew me riding Whisper and him taking pictures with Lone Star barn behind us. The back of his card says, "To : Wisper From : Hunter"

Whisper's birthday gift this year came a little early, a brand new stall sign. 

Happy Birthday Whisper, what a crazy ride it's been. From rearing and tossing me around, abscesses, injuries, mule colts, and moves. Bolting under saddle, tears, laughs, and moments of brilliance, we've earned the good stuff that has just starting to come our way... here's to another year!

Welcome to Lone Star

After my last writing, Whisper's breeder sent me a detailed explanation of how Whisper was trained to load. I poured over it as I got ready for a sleepless night anticipating a busy morning.

I stayed parallel to her shoulder at all times. I kept a taunt lead only used in helping direct her nose. I used a longe whip with my left hand around my left side to her flank. The way I was told Whisper had been trained to load. Whisper, however, did not get the memo.

Using the whip as a gas pedal resulted in a lot of speed straight back and not using it meant she planted and swung away (even towards and into the whip). She wasn't afraid of the trailer, she just wasn't going to get on.

2 and a half hours, 5 seasoned horse people, 3 cc's of Ace later, she was loaded and every one of us was soaked through with sweat and exhausted by the end of it. She finally just decided she'd give in and go on.

Welcome to Lone Star Equestrian Center, Whisper!

She got out and took a look around.

After taking her through the barn to get unwrapped and booted up for some time outside, I turned her loose. With no horses in the barn during the day, and some muscles that needed some walking to work out, it seemed like the best option.

After a few minutes, she came back to where I was standing and stood right next to me, touching my side with hers. I was the herd she knew and it almost teared me up seeing her trust in me and our partnership.

Then she walked off as the lead gelding came over to meet her.

"Come on and meet everyone else..."

Whisper's trying to figure out why they all keep following her. "Mom, help!"

"No one will ever find me here...."

I went in the barn and made sure her stall was ready for this evening.

When I came back out she was back out with the herd and making more friends.

Coming back for evening feed, Whisper was just another horse in the herd. She came across the acreage at a good time for me to bring her in, blanket her, and feed her. She's tucked in for the night and doing great! The kids love it too, the barn is set-up extremely little kid friendly and they wore themselves out this evening "helping". 

The New Normal

The day for Promise and Pirate's move has come and gone. While it wasn't easy to catch Promise, once we did she loaded like it was as easy as walking through a gate. Pirate was a little more difficult, we pretty much picked him up and put him on with his mama.

A few days after the move, I went to check on them. They now reside closer to my house than they did before and Promise nickered her signature greeting when we walked up.

She seemed really happy.

The kids had some time feeding carrots and approved of the 5 acres, complete with tree shade and a running stream, that the horses now had access to.

Whisper is holding her own. She is thriving on the routine and structure a horse facility offers and I have been able to visit her everyday. She's still lame, slowly improving with extra care and stall rests.

The kids love seeing her and can interact more with her now that the environment is more controlled. Sage also secretly loves the pony Oreo, while Hunter has been talking to Vulcan.

All in all, we are finding room to breath and enjoy this adventure again. After bad storms a few nights ago, I woke with the relief of knowing I didn't need to immediately go check on Whisper to be sure she wasn't injured. She spent the strong storm comfortably bedded in a stall without a care in the world. She's eating well and improving a little more each day.

Brave New Horizons

Whisper was not improving. In fact, she was worse. Hobbling again as if she could hardly bear to move her right leg. I brought water to where she stood and she happily drained a bucket in minutes. It was clear that she wasn't getting enough water because she was choosing not to walk up the hill to drink.

As she drank I looked over at Star and saw an injury that must have been ugly a few days earlier.

It wraps up and around the ear and included punctures at the poll and into her mane.

I was at a loss. I was hurt, for them. I was failing to provide the best I could for the horses I was responsible for. I was trying, my intent was there, but I was not. My husband and I talked it out and came to the decision that if we could not find suitable boarding and stable arrangements for Whisper by week's end, she would go to a home that was open to taking her and providing what I was not currently doing on this pasture.

That same day, Pirate's new owner contacted me with a shoulder injury that likely needed surgery. She would be unable to take and start Pirate the way she wanted to and had to pass on him. I had no idea what to do. I kept looking at barns, I kept calling, I kept contacting everyone I knew. Something HAD to be out there. We had always intended to adopt out Promise's foal but now I was looking to find a way to safely provide for all three.

A farm named Amazing Grace finally got in touch and worked out a situation that I could do, though they only had room for Whisper. She would have a stall of her own with turn-out on whatever schedule she needed. Triple Crown Senior feed on site. Riding rings. A small size operation with OTTB experience that would let me work for board.

I went out that evening to meet with the owner and looked at the horses. All clean, bright, and relaxed. The general feel of the whole place was a calm working feel.  Speaking with the owner she asked questions of me while I pelted her with my own. We ironed out arrangements. Whisper would be moved the very next day.

Friday I picked up the farm's trailer, along with a friend and we headed to Whisper. Whisper was still painfully lame and stumbled slowly towards the open trailer. She then proceeded to fight us for 2 full hours in 90 degree temperatures.

We tried everything. We let her get used to it. Pressure to move forward and giving her release when she did so. Grain. Treats, Walking out and back. Placing her foot up in the trailer. Blocking the sides of the trailer creating a barrier so she couldn't back up and swing around (though somehow she still managed to). When she started showing air between her front feet and the ground while yanking us off our feet out of the trailer, we added the stud chain. When that failed to produce forward motion, we took a break. Finally I got back at her head and she decided she was done fighting and simply walked right in.

My first time hauling a horse I was very glad no one got behind me, pretty sure I never got over 40 mph.

Arriving at the new farm, Whisper checked out the sights and smells. She settled right in to her new stall and she began happily munching hay. She was more comfortable already.

She was assessed that evening and I got a call from the farm owner that she felt like epsom soaks and bute would help her as would a farrier evaluation. We went over Whisper's feeding schedule and her current body condition versus where we wanted her to be. She had dropped about 50 pounds in the last week with the pain and stress she was feeling in her legs.

Today, thank goodness, the abscess ruptured and brought Whisper quite a lot of relief. She is getting along with all of the horses she has met so far.

The plan is to get her started on hoof supplement and have the farrier evaluate her after healing has taken place (he can't lift the other feet when one is bad). It may be that she is a horse who, for now at least, can not go barefoot. She may simply need the distance between her hoof sole and the ground that a light shoe could provide while months of growth occur. The hoof specialist before was unwilling to consider that as an option, that and outright was wrong about many things including founder.

Meanwhile, I had been in touch with a friend who wanted Pirate and fit all of my criteria for him. When they asked after him, they mentioned that they wanted Promise too.

I said, "No. No way. Pirate can go to you after he is weaned."

Though she could give Promise safety and a great home, I loved Promise too much. Still with Whisper at another location and the injuries piling up at Promise's current location, I wasn't doing right by her. I couldn't even get out to see her more than twice a week for visits. Promise needs a safe place, with daily attention, to retire happily. I decided I would let her go with Pirate.

It breaks my heart to say, next week Promise and Pirate leave for new horizons all their own, together.

They go with a security blanket though, they go with a promise that if they ever change hands again they come to me first. If they are ever in trouble they come to me. They also come with a vow to update often with pictures and info on their well being, including a few personal visits through the year for the kids and I to see them first hand.

God give me strength to say good-bye.

Mother's Day

My husband worked it out for me to sneak away to the horses as the sun came up this morning. This was my first present of the day.

It was a crisp morning and Pirate had some playtime with his new soccer ball.

Whisper had a full grooming as did Pirate. I was really impressed with how well he stood for his brushing. I went over every part of him except his lower legs. I'm hoping to get the halter back on him through time and careful handling instead of grabbing him and forcing it on. Today I put the noseband over his nose and removed it again about 10 times and once moved the cheek straps in place. He pulled back a few times but relaxed into it, curiosity works to my advantage with him.

Back home with my human kids, my second round of Mother's Day is just getting going. My favorites being the cake the kids decorated and the 2 new charms for my bracelet my late Mother started for me back when I was a kid. She started me off with 2 charms, oddly enough given my life now, a racehorse and a foal. Today a lucky horseshoe and a little standing horse are dangling beside them.