Not knowing how things would play out makes it very hard to relax enough to enjoy much but I did try hard to, sneaking Czech away to the battlefields for long solo rides and hacking Bandon through the property. More often though, I groomed then turned out, because not knowing what was permanent versus temporary made me have to be somewhat distant at all times with the things I loved and even then there were a lot of tears shed in my sanctuary of a barn. As any good Catholic will tell you, limbo is the edge of Hell.
The show with Bandon in late 2014 I was prepared to have as my final.
But as winter began to fall away with one last determined blow of weather, the quicksand under me turned solid again and I let out the breath I'd been holding for months. Seven Hearts would persevere after all. With me. With all of the animals. With the kids growing right here.
I could throw a leg over Bandon and not feel that lump rise in my throat. It was just us and it was always going to be us which is exactly how he and I are supposed to be.
The snow made for some wonderful photos that could not have been more timely in this sort of new dawn for me and the farm.
As a part of this and in celebration of having lived through it, I bought two lambs to join the farm.
Marshmallow and Graham are a blend of Barbados Blackbelly and Dorper, aka mutt mutton (crossbred I know, but that isn't nearly as fun to say), they are hair breed sheep that tolerate heat and humidity well.
It's been a learning curve since I knew absolutely nothing about sheep and I dove in head first to learn all I could, I find it incredibly amusing that my life now includes training tips on halter breaking sheep. The lambs are wethers (castrated males), Marshmallow is almost 3 months old and Graham is six weeks. Graham is still on milk replacer and Marshmallow gets a bottle of warm water so he isn't left out.
They are completely adorable and make me laugh all the time. Cleaning stalls is a lot more entertaining with lambs playing around you and the barn is again a very happy place to be.
The horses are not quite sure yet, typical Thoroughbred, the big boys had no problem on day one but day two they needed a lot of convincing to come back in the barn at night where the sheep were stalled. They've gotten the hang of things now for the most part though the barn cat isn't buying it at all.
I am looking forward to putting the sheep in the arena to graze and not having to mow that this season at all! Horses would have destroyed the turf if I let them graze it, not to mention chewing on my jumps, but the sheep should do well. Once they are grown and the horses are used to them, they'll go out with them.
As the mud from our last snow dries out, my jump poles will go back up again and Bandon and I will be training to compete in the Jockey Club classes. Maybe this year Czech will want to try some as well. The privilege of having my own horses, able to show with my own trailer still, is one I will not take for granted.
Looking back on something like child birth, women marvel at our ability to handle such an extraordinary amount of pain and survive it. It really is incredible the levels of pain a body can achieve and not actually die. You'd like to think you come through long stretches of pain with a new found appreciation for what is around you, though to be fair I've always appreciated this place. What I come away with now is a new appreciation for the happiness that comes from the journey towards a goal and the security of knowing what is real.
Thank you to my dear friends who had my back through some very dark days, without that I would have not made it back to the light. Much love to you.
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